Money and marriage

Tips for understanding how finances can affect relationships

According to the article “Top 6 Marriage-Killing Money Issues” on Investopedia.com, financial problems are the leading cause of divorce.

I decided to check in with my spouse to see what he thought were the most important points to consider in order to keep our marriage happy yet financially fit. Here’s what he said:

Common goals. “We never had many money conversations before marriage, but shortly after it became apparent that they would be necessary. We began chatting about our common goals. They included mortgage-free home ownership, having two children and eventually travelling. By creating these common goals, we knew that we would have to set aside X number of dollars on a monthly basis. We discovered that clearing up any debt, whether shared or not, would be important to achieve those goals as soon as we could.”

Compromise. “Nearing retirement and almost empty nesters, my wife wants to begin a major renovation to our home, but I want to downsize to a property where there is less upkeep and I can spend more time doing the things that interest me and us. To compromise, we are staying in our current home and updating it, keeping in mind that we will downsize upon retirement to begin enjoying post-working life the way we want to. Compromising allowed us to both be satisfied with the financial decision and even excited about the upcoming updates to our home.”

Financial priorities. “My wife is a scuba diver and almost always travels alone or with friends to destinations where she can swim with a whale shark or two. I prefer to stay on land. I have to keep in mind that being in and around the water is very important to her, even if it isn’t to me. And likewise, she encourages my obsession for cars. We are both happy and understand that not all our goals are shared.”

Communication and openness are key when tackling the topic of money in marriage. My spouse and I schedule a money date night once a month, when discussions surrounding short-term spending needs, shared financial goals and financial priorities take place. These discussions have removed the fear, anxiety and shame sometimes associated with money.

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